Popular jokes (18391 to 18405)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Q: What is white when it's di
Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?A: A chalkboard.
Scary Collection 02
A Halloween joke
What do witches eat at Halloween?
Spooketti, halloweenies, devils food cake and booberry pie!
A vampire joke
What's Dracula's car called?
A mobile blood unit!
A werewolf joke
What do you call a hairy beast with clothes on?
A wear-wolf!
A witch joke
Why did the witch go over the mountain?
Because she couldn't go under it!
A skeleton joke
Why didn't the skeleton want to play football?
Because his heart wasn't in it!
A cannibal joke
Why was the cannibal looking peeky?
Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
A wizard joke
If a wizard was knocked out by Dracula in a fight what would he be?
Out for the count!
Ophira Eisenberg: Money to the Homeless
I have no money. Im terrible with money. I always give money to people on the street. I passed by this homeless guy, and he was out there calling out to everyone, trying to get everyone to give him money. And hes doing this, hes going, Give money to the homeless. Give money to the homeless cause you dont know, one day it might be you. And I was like, Oh my God. And I was about to give him some change, and then I was like, Maybe I should hang on to this.Business One-liners 23
Don't stop to stomp on ants when the elephants are stampeding.
Don't try to have the last word; you might get it.
Don't worry about the sand in the Vaseline, they don't use it anyway.
Due to recent budget cuts and downsizing, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
Each problem solved introduces a new unsolved problem.
Eagles may soar, free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy and wealthy and dead.
Easiest way to figure the cost of living: take your income and add ten percent.
Eat the rich. The poor are tough and stringy.
Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness.
A woman walked into a very bus...
A woman walked into a very busy butcher's shop. Looking at meats and poultry on display, she suddenly grabbed hold of a dressed chicken, she picked up one wing, sniffed it, picked up the other wing and sniffed it, picked up one leg, sniffed it, picked up the other leg, sniffed it.Just as she finished sniffing the second leg, the butcher walked up to her and said, "Madam, could YOU pass such a test?"
The second richest man in the world hates restaurants , and has even declared a war on buffets. #joke #short
Anyone who plants a tree is in...
Anyone who plants a tree is in for a root awakening.Since 1940, the year Chuck Nor...
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.“Last week, my mate a
“Last week, my mate asked me to pick his sister up from the ruler shop. I was centimeter.”
Fortune cookie saying #27: Har...
Fortune cookie saying #27: Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.Which politician claimed he co
Which politician claimed he could spin gold out of nothing, and got upset when reporters called him names?A: Trumpelstiltskin.
Computer Terminology
486 - The average IQ needed to understand a PC.State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford.
Obsolete - Any computer you own.
Microsecond - The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.
G3 - Apple's new Macs that make you say "Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago."
Syntax Error - Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object."
Hard Drive - The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax Error.
GUI - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced "gooey")
Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.
Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.
Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.
Portable Computer - A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.
Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline.
Power User - Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.
System Update - A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.
Character qualities to look for in a marriage partner
A daughter asks her mother, “What are character qualities that I should look for in a marriage partner? You know, for someone that I will be spending eternity with."The mother replied, ”Go ask your father, he did better than I did.”
