Popular jokes (76 to 90)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Wrong Hole
An employee at a business firm gets to travel to Japan to meet executives from the company's foreign branch. He's single and is really excited to hook up with some beautiful Asians. He goes to the meeting and listens to a linguist who translates all their words for him.
After the meeting he goes out and hooks up with a lovely young lady. Things go very well and he ends up going to her place that night.
They dim the lights and do the deed. The whole time she's moaning and shouting: "Fuka ana!" She seems really into it so he goes all out giving it to her all night long.
The next day he goes to a golf game with the Japanese executives. He makes a very nice chip shot then decides he's going to try to impress the executives. He shouts: "Fuka ana!"
The linguist then turns to him and says: "No that's the right hole."
Great Presidents
George Washington was such a great president.
He never blamed any of the country's problems on the previous administration.
Merry Christmas! Jokes To Lighten Up Christmas Mood
Multi-colored lights are the Crocs of Christmas lights.
Frank Lowe @GayAtHomeDad
What did the wise men say after they offered up their gifts of gold and frankincense?
Wait, there's myrrh.
What do you call Santa when he stops moving?
Santa Pause.
What song does Beyonce like to perform during the holidays?
All the Jingle Ladies.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow time to waste. It's almost Christmas!
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Justin.
Justin who?
Justin time for Christmas cookies!
Merry Christmas! Lot more Christmas jokes in our Christmas jokes collection
Your lips are so chapped, I ca...
Your lips are so chapped, I can hear you smile.And Scene
"Are you an actress, auntie?"
"No darling, why do you ask?"
"Because Daddy says whenever you come over, we have a scene."
Almost at the end of the week? Check out these jokes to help you survive!
I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector today…
The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy!
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
Attire.
Me: What's the wifi password?
Barman: You need to buy a drink first.
Me: Okay, I'll have a coke.
Barman: Is Pepsi okay?
Me: Sure. How much is that?
Barman: £3.
Me: There you go.
So what's the wifi password?
Barman: You need to buy a drink first.
No spaces, all lowercase! Three men are on a boat They have four cigarettes but nothing to light them with.
So?
So they throw one cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
Got myself a takeaway coffee today.
I asked if I could pay by card.
The waitress said, "Yes of course.
What have you got?"
I said, "The four of clubs!"
Did you hear about the plan to prohibit the use of Roman numerals?
I for one, think it's a terrible idea.
My wife told me she couldn't stay married to a cross dresser.
So I packed her things and left.
Husband takes his wife to a disco, theres a man on the dance floor, moonwalking, break dancing, head spins, the works. Wife turns to her husband & sighs "You see that man?
25 years ago he asked me to marry him & I said no!" Husband says "It looks like he’s still out celebrating!"
One Minute Birthday
Did you hear about the old man whose birthday one year lasted only one minute?
It was his sixty-second birthday.
Four legs
A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two.
She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"
Funny translator jokes - International Translation Day
How many translators does it take to change a light bulb? It depends on the context.
The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar.
It was tense.
A teacher asked a particularly dull, lazy, and objectionable pupil if he was ignorant or apathetic.
The pupil replied: “I don’t know, and I don’t care!”
Two translators on a ship are talking.
“Can you swim?”, asks one.
“No”, says the other, “but I can shout for help in nine languages”.
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. “In English”, he said, “a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn’t a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative”. A voice from the back of the room retorted, “Yeah, right”.
Translator gets 400 words to translate.
Client: How long will it take?
Translator: About a week.
Client: A whole week for just 400 words? God created the world in 6 days.
Translator: Then just take a look at this world, and afterwards, take a look at my translation.
“I’ve just had the most awful time”, said a boy to his friends. “First, I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy”.“Wow! How did you pull through?”, sympathised his friends.“I don’t know”, the boy replied, “toughest spelling test I ever had”.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus!
Geography teacher: Can you guess my favourite nation?
Student: Yes, I can. Explanation.
What is the longest word in the English language?
“Smiles”, because there is a mile between its first and last letters.
Tapas Jokes, to celebrate World Tapas Day
World Tapas Day, observed annually on the third Thursday of June, is an international holiday celebrating the small Spanish Tapa dish that is usually served with drinks. Check out Tapas Jokes
What did the dyslexic man order at the Italian restaurant? Tapas.
Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That’s not a miracle. That’s tapas.
Did you hear about the plant in Baton Rouge Louisiana thats been producing spanish food since the 11th century? It's a bayou tapas-tree.
How do we know that the Normans ate small portions of Spanish food? Because of the Bayeux Tapas Tray!
What did the Spanish keyboard say? Tapas .
A man walked into a bar and ordered a beer and two plates of tapas.
Another man walked into the bar and ordered 10 beers and 20 plates of tapas.
The barman said, "That's an order of magnitude!"
I got the roast duck at a fancy tapas place downtown...
Boy, the duck might have been small but its bill sure was big.
Girlfriend took me out for tapas today.
I kept repeating 'this is a great way tapas the time'
The look of annoyance on her face was growing.
So I told her if it's annoying just tell me tapas off.
7 Funny short jokes to wake you up
We just watched the Tetris movie.
It's a blockbuster
My family is getting sick of me telling dad jokes 24/7.
Or should I say “they are sick of me telling dad jokes 3.428571428571429”?
When I was younger I had a job pretending to be a statue.
I held that position for some time.
The new thought-activated car they're working on is going to be even more popular than the voice-activated one.
It goes without saying.
My wife is one of the clumsiest people I know.
I'm so glad she fell for me
I have two questions about this Taylor Swift lady:
What kind of clothes does she make? And how fast does she make them, really?
I can’t think of a time when I lost my toupee while riding a motorcycle.
At least not right off the top of my head.
What do you call a 400 pound alcoholic?
A heavy drinker.
Quitting job, and few more jokes
I have decided to quit my job as a personal trainer, because the weights are too heavy.
I just handed in my too weak notice.
My doctor told me I have high blood pressure and short term memory loss.
At least I don't have high blood pressure.
My wife yelled, "are you even listening to me?"
I thought that was a weird way to start an argument.
