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Short jokes - funny one liners (9441 to 9480)

Short jokes - funny one liners (9441 to 9480)

Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 9441 to 9480.

The Christmas gift...

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles."

"She did," he replied. "But where in the world was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"

Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

Autoblonde

Q: What do a blonde and a car have in common?

A: They can both drive you crazy.

Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 2.88/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (8)

SLIDESHOW #293 - Funny Photo Slideshow

“After 5 years with t...

“After 5 years with the same chiropractor, I moved and had to change doctors. It was quite an adjustment.”

Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (6)

“I went to a buffet d...

“I went to a buffet dinner with my neighbor, who is a taxidermist. After such a big meal, I was stuffed.”

#joke #short #food #dinner #meal
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.78/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (9)

Chuck Norris can speak Russian...

Chuck Norris can speak Russian...in Chinese.
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 6.78/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (9)

No sleep walking!

It was bedtime for Little Ted and he insisted on taking his bicycle to bed with him.
His mother, a little surprised by the strange request, asked him why he wanted to do that.
Ted replied, "Mom, I don't want to walk in my sleep!"
#joke #short #mother #mom
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Obviously Nuts

A guy goes to the psychiatrist only wearing shorts made of Glad wrap.
The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (8)

One line jokes-Reached a point

Just when you thought your earnings have reached a point where ration prices don't matter, calories do.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (5)

Broken Cage

Q: What did the bird say after his cage fell apart?
A: "Cheap, cheap!"

#joke #short #animal #bird
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 2.71/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (7)

Help me with my hair doctor

Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?

Doctor: A shoebox.

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.29/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (7)

A man gets home, runs into his...

A man gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and shouts, "Honey, I just won the lottery! Pack your bags!"
The wife says, "Great! What should I pack for? The ocean or the mountains?"
He says, "I don't care! Just be out by the end of the week!"
#joke #short #food #honey
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (6)

Memory storage

My grandpa, 86 years of age, went to see the doctor and asked, "Is it normal at my age to have problems with short term memory storage?"

The doctor replied, "Mr. Asher, storing memory is not the problem, retrieving it is."
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Cinderella Has A Camera?

What did Cinderella say when she left the photo store?

Someday my prints will come...

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (10)

Computers are like air conditi...

Computers are like air conditioners. They work fine until you start opening windows.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 2.20/10

Rating: 2.2/10 (5)

“A doctor who became ...

“A doctor who became a bartender was always giving out shots!”

Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.54/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (13)

“Tying up a circle ma...

“Tying up a circle may take a lot of chords.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (5)

Running in circles

John: I don't know why but my Dalmatian keeps running in circles.

Jose: I am sure he finds it difficult to run in rectangles!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (6)

Brainfart

How do you know when a blonde has a brain fart?

Her ears flap.

Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.14/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (7)

“The author's lawyer ...

“The author's lawyer defended her rights in the book case.”

Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Toilet paper

Manny: Sid, the Sloth brought toilet paper to the happening party. Do you know why?

Ellie: Why?

Manny: 'Cos he was a party pooper.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Cross the Road... Forgetful Chicken

Q: Why did the forgetful chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side -- er, no -- to go shopping -- no, not that either -- damn it.

#joke #short #animal #chicken
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (10)

“'Because' is a word ...

“'Because' is a word to the whys.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

Corporate Booty Call... Fax

I wanna fax you up.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.11/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (9)

Why did Osama bin Laden blow up a KFC?

Q: Why did Osama bin Laden blow up a KFC?

A: Because he thought he was attacking an American Colonel.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)

A couple is sitting on the por...

A couple is sitting on the porch sipping wine. The wife says, "I love you."
The husband says, "Is that you or the wine talking?"
The wife replies, "It's me, talking to the wine."
#joke #short #drinks #wine
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.25/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (4)

A couple is sitting on the por...

A couple is sitting on the porch sipping wine. The wife says, "I love you."
The husband says, "Is that you or the wine talking?"
The wife replies, "It's me, talking to the wine."
#joke #short #drinks #wine
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 3.88/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (8)

“I tried my first sof...

“I tried my first soft drink. It was sodalicious!”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.17/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (6)

Encounter with a Vampire

Bubba tells us a story about his encounter with a Vampire late one night. The Vampire wanted to smoke and asked Bubba for a light. When Bubba obliged, the vampire seems to have told him, "Fang you very much."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.43/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (7)

Ants Dancing

Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar?
A: The lid said, "Twist to open."

#joke #short #animal #ant
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.83/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (12)

Q: Why did the cowboy ride his...

Q: Why did the cowboy ride his horse?
A: Because he was too heavy to carry
#joke #short #animal #horse #cowboy
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (4)

Penny Talk

Q: What does one penny say to the other penny?
A: Let's get together and make some cents.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (6)

Little Johnny and the math teacher...

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO, and the Cartoon Network!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (6)

Market Analysts

Joe: What is the role of Market Analysts?
Harry: They are professionals who will know tomorrow why the things they predicted yesterday didn't happen today!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

Christmas Bonus

Boss: Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month's Christmas party, you could neglect to do your work around here?

Secretary: My lawyer.

Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

The waiter...

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.

"Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your hand on my steak?"

"What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"

#joke #short #food #meat #steak
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (5)

Inquisitive

Q. Why are mountain climbers inquisitive?

A. They always want to take another peak.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (5)

“Soup operas were the...

“Soup operas were the big winners at the Cans Film Festival.”

#joke #short #food #soup
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (9)

Black and Brown

Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman pinscher.

Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.36/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (11)

Hilarious nasties

Laurel to Hardy: Do you know your brain is a masterpiece.

Hardy: You really think so? Thanks.

Laurel: Yeah, in the left half, nothing is right, and in the right, nothing is left.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 2.50/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (4)

The early bird may get the wor...

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
#joke #short #animal #mouse #bird #worm #food #cheese
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 4.38/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (8)

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