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Short jokes - funny one liners (9521 to 9560)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 9521 to 9560. |
In school, Chuck Norris put "v...
In school, Chuck Norris put "violence" down for every answer on math tests and always got 100% because he solves all problems with violence.Answering Machine Message 69
Hi! This is Mary. I'm afflicted with lysdexic procrastination. Please leave your message before the tone and I'll get around to getting it straight.
How many divorced men does it ...
How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?NONE, they never get the house!
One line jokes-Lazy
Donkeys at Christmas
What do donkeys send out near Christmas?
Mule-tide greetings.
A police man pulls over a drun...
A police man pulls over a drunk driver for not stopping at a stop sign and asks the driver if he saw the stop sign. The driver replies "I did but it turned red too fast for me to stop."“When the wino suspec...
“When the wino suspected his muscatel was watered down, he needed more proof.”
Second-hand goods
A divorced man bumps into his ex-wife's new husband at a party.
After knocking back a few drinks, he walks over to the guy and sneers: "So, how do you like using second-hand goods?"
"Doesn't bother me," the new husband replies. "Once you get past the first three inches, it's all brand new."
Guys and Dolls
Two drunk guys try to pick up some girls. The girls take the drunk guys home, slip blowup dolls into their beds and leave.
The next morning, the one guy tells the other guy, "I think my girl was a witch! When I bit her on the tit, she hissed and flew away."
Remove the curse...
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation "I now pronounce you man and wife".
Flowers
A woman tells her friend that Interflora just delivered a bunch of flowers from her husband.
"Now I guess he'll want me to spend the entire weekend on my back with my legs in the air"
"Why?" asks her friend "Don't you have a vase?"
Chuck Norris shot Bon Jovi in ...
Chuck Norris shot Bon Jovi in the heart for giving love a bad name.Twitter joke
Cab Driver: Guess you are in town for the Twitter convention?
Gary. You are right. I could learn so much.
Cab Driver: Any pointers you would like to share?
Gary: Yes, follow That_Car.
A police recruit was asked dur...
A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if youhad to arrest your own mother?"
He said: "Call for backup."
“The landscaper thoug...
“The landscaper thought gardening magazines were fun to leaf through.”
No paper in here...
An old drunk stumbles into a confessional.After not hearing anything for a while, the priest knocked on the wall.
The drunk said, "Forget it buddy, there's no paper in here either."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
“The soprano was very...
“The soprano was very optimistic and always left her friends on a high note.”
Chuck Norris once gave a box o...
Chuck Norris once gave a box of his old watches to a group of kids, these kids are now known as the Power Rangers.“I really wanted a ca...
“I really wanted a camouflage shirt, but I couldn't find one.”
Foreign Language
A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks them.The mother mouse goes, "BARK!" and the cat runs away.
"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"
