Jokes of the day for Saturday, 22 December 2012
Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 22 December 2012 |
Really funny jokes-Best memory
The father points to the native American and says, "son, native Americans have the best memory of any peoples in the world."
The young son thinks he's quite the smart one and goes up to the native American and says, "What did you have for breakfast last Tuesday."
Without hesitation the Native American responds, "eggs." The son is impressed and goes on with the hike with his father.
30 years later the son is now a grown man, and is hiking the same trail with his own son. He goes around the same bends, over the same hills, and lo and behold, rounds the corner and there is that same native American on the same rock.
He's an older wiser man now, and will really test this native American. He walks up, raises his hand in greeting and says "HOW"
Native American responds, "Scrambled."
Charlie took his girl friend t...
Charlie took his girl friend to her first football game. They had really good seats, right above their team's dugout. At the end of the game, Charlie asked her if she liked it. "Yeah, it was great," she said. "I mean, with all the tight pants and stuff. I just don't get why all the fuss about a quarter!" Charlie is confused. "At the beginning of the game," she explained, "I saw the two guys flip a quarter. Then the rest of the game, all they said was: Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback! Hello! It's only 25 cents!"Friendly Americans!
When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale.
Touched by his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman found him a perch near the American flag. Later, Jose wrote home enthusiastically about his experience. "And the Americans, they are so friendly!" he concluded. "Before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang, .... 'Jose, can you see?'"
Dust
A visiting minister waxed eloquent during the offertory prayer."Dear Lord," he began with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look
on his upturned face.
"Without you we are but dust..."
He would have continued but at that moment a very obedient daughter (who was
listening intently for a change) leaned over to her mother and asked quite
audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, what is butt dust?"
Christmas Cop
On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback sits at a traffic light next to a kid on a shiny new bike.
The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid says, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year, tell Santa to put a tail light on that bike."
The cop then issues the kid a $20 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the d**k underneath the horse, instead of on top."
Post Office
A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."
Three men walked in to a bar. ...
Three men walked in to a bar. You'd think one of them would have seen it!LIE DETECTOR ROBOT
Dad buys a LIE DETECTOR ROBOT which slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner.”Son, where were you today?” The son says “at school dad.” Robot slaps the son! “OK, I watched a DVD at my friends house!” “What DVD?” “Toy story.” Robot slaps the son again! “OK, it was a %&%*o”Dad yells “What! When I was your age I didn't know what %&%* was!” Robot then slaps the dad!Mom laughs “HAHAHA! He's certainly YOUR son.” Robot then slaps the mom….Chuck Norris doesn't kill two ...
Chuck Norris doesn't kill two birds with one stone, he kills two stones with one bird.A man was walking down the bea...

He rubbed it and a genie came out and said, " You may have 3 wishes but whatever u wish for all the lawyers in the world will get double." The man agreed and said, " i want a million dollers." He got that and the lawyers got 2 million.
Next he said, " i want a ferrari." So he got one and all the lawyers got 2. Next, being his last wish, he took a minute and thought about it carefully.
Finnally he said," Well i've allways wanted to give a kidney."
A college student picked up hi...

"Does your Mother feed you like this at home?"
"No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid, either."
A little girl is sitting on he...

"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.
"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.
"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.
"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days isn't He?"
A Moral Question

One man said to another, "I didn't sleep with my wife before I got married. How about you?"
The man replied, "I don't know. What was her maiden name?"
No Male Pallbearers
