Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 13 September 2023

20 math jokes to make you laugh

I poured my root beer into a square glass...
Now I have a beer

Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven ate nine!

What do you call a bunch of guys who love math?
Alge-bros!

Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
It was over 90 degrees!

How does a mathematician plow fields?
With a pro-tractor.

What's a math teacher's favorite kind of tree?
Geometry.

Why did the girl wear glasses during math class?
It improved di-vision.

Who's the king of the pencil case?
The ruler.

Why doesn't anybody talk to circles?
Because there's no point.

What did the triangle say to the circle?
You're pointless.

Why was the obtuse triangle always upset?
Because it's never right.

What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!

Why did the two 4s skip lunch?
They already 8!

How do you make seven an even number?
Remove the s!

Why was math class so long?
The teacher kept going off on a tangent.

Do you know what's odd?
Every other number!

Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.

Which king loved fractions?
Henry the ⅛.

Have you heard the one about the statistician?
Probably.

What do you call a number that can't sit still?
A roamin' numeral!

Honeymoon Is Over

Husband: "Now that we are married, perhaps I might venture to point out a few of your little defects."
Wife: "Don't bother, dear. I'm quite aware of them. It was those little defects that prevented me from getting a much better man than you."

First Time at a Unitarian Service

A man goes to a Unitarian Universalist service for the first time, and later is asked what he thought of it. "Darndest church I ever went to," he replies, "the only time I heard the name of Jesus Christ was when the janitor fell down the stairs."

Cannot Undress

During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.
"Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you."
"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through."
In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"

"Put them on the chair, on top of mine."

What is it called, when backwa

What is it called, when backwards you sing? A: Yoda-ling

Jewish and Chinese Beginnings

"The Jewish people have observed their 5758th year as a people," the Hebrew teacher informed his class. "Consider that the Chinese have observed only their 4695th. What does this mean to you?"

After a reflective pause, one student volunteered, "Well, for one thing, the Jewish people had to do without Chinese food for 1063 years."

Human cloning is outlawed beca...

Human cloning is outlawed because of Chuck Norris, because then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.

A married couple was watching...

A married couple was watching volleyball game at a beach when the wife spotted a couple in the bleachers. They were being very affectionate. The girl was running her hands all over the boyfriend and nibbling on his ear. He had his hands on her chest.
Looking at them, the wife said to her husband "I don't know whether to watch them or the game."
Husband said, "Better watch them! You already know how to play volleyball."

Two men were hunting deer when...

Two men were hunting deer when a large bear rears up and begins to charge them.

The one man puts his running shoes on and begins to run with the other man.

The second man asks why he put them on because it wont help him out run the bear.

He said "I don't need to out run the bear I need to out run you."

An old man who loves to fish...

An old man who loves to fish, was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."
He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up."
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, "Are you talking to me?"
The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll then give you more sexual pleasure that you ever could have dreamed of."
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will give you sexual pleasures like you have never had."
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

Serving Two Masters

A Mormon acquaintance once pushed Mark Twain into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After long and tedious expositions justifying the practice, the Mormon demanded that Twain cite any passage of scripture expressly forbidding polygamy.
"Nothing easier," Twain replied. "No man can serve two masters."

Harold and Gertrude had been m...

Harold and Gertrude had been married for fifty years and played golf together every Saturday.
One day while out on the course, Harold said to Gertrude, "Honey, there has been something bothering me all these years that I'd like to get off my chest before I die. You remember when we were first married and I had that pretty young secretary working for me? Well, I had an affair with her. But it was only one time, that was many years ago and I have been faithful to you ever since."
Gertrude replied, "Harold, there is something bothering me which I need to tell you. Three years before I met you, I had a sex change operation."
Harold was visibly shaken and could only reply, "Honey, how could you have never told me this?...and all these years you've been hitting from the ladies tees!!"

Biblical Financiers

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter.
She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Chilling with Eskimos

Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on a block of ice?

A. Polaroids.

Three women go down to Mexico...

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent." They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. "I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.
The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, ya'll ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."