Fruit jokes (16 to 30)Jokes about fruits. These are the jokes listed 16 to 30. |
15 Funny Dog Jokes
Q: Why do dogs make terrible dance partners?
A: They’ve got 2 left feet!
Q: Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?
A: He was trying to make ends meet.
Q: What did the Dalmatian say after he ate his dog biscuits?
A: “Ahh, that really hit the spots.“
Q: What happened to the dog who went to the flea circus?
A: He stole the show!
Q: When a dog has a fever, what’s the best thing to feed him?
A: Mustard—it’s the best thing for hot dogs.
Q: What do dogs do after they complete obedience school?
A: They get their masters.
Q: Why couldn’t the dog get the apple?
A: He was barking up the wrong tree!
Q: What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
A: Ruff!
Did you hear about the dog who was fined for delivering puppies on the side of the road?
She was given a ticket for littering!
Q: How can you tell the difference between a dog and a tree?
A: By their bark!
A large number of dogs escaped the SPCA today. Police are looking for leads.
Beware of dog? A woman walks into a shop and sees a cute dog by the counter. She asks the shopkeeper, “Does your dog bite?” The shopkeeper says, “No, my dog does not bite.” The woman pets the dog, who barks and nips her. “Ouch!” she shouts. “I thought you said your dog doesn’t bite!” The shopkeeper replies, “I did! That’s not my dog!”
Q: Are dogs good at science?
A: Well, Labs are!
Q: Why do dogs float?
A: Because they’re good buoys!
Q: Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
A: He knew how to paws for dramatic effect!
Halloween, Thanksgiving and other Fall Jokes for kids
Halloween Jokes
1. Why did the cows turn into werewolves?
- It was a full moooooon.
2. Where do ghosts go on vacation?
- The boo-hamas.
3. What kind of monster loves disco?
- The boogieman.
4. How do you know a vampire has a cold?
- He starts coffin.
5. What do you call a werewolf with a fever?
- A hot dog.
6. Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
- You can see right through them.
Find more about Haloween on Haloween Jokes
Halloween Knock-Knock Jokes
1. Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Jack.
- Jack who?
- Jack o’lantern.
2. Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Ivan.
- Ivan who?
- Ivan to suck your blood.
3. Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Witches.
- Witches who?
- Witches the best way out of this neighborhood?
Knock-Knock and other Haloween Jokes can be found on page Haloween Jokes
Pumpkin Jokes
1. How did the little pumpkins cross the road?
- With the help of a crossing gourd.
2. How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
- With a pumpkin patch.
3. How does the pumpkin listen to music?
- On vine-yl.
4. What do you call a pumpkin that works at the beach?
- A life gourd.
5. Where do pumpkins hold business meetings?
- In the gourd-room.
6. What happens if you eat too much pumpkin pie?
- You get autumn-y ache.
Pumpkins are importan part of many Haloween Jokes
Fall Jokes
1. What’s a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
- Straw-berries.
2. What did the scarecrow say when he lost all his stuffing?
- That was the last straw!
3. What is the cutest of seasons?
- Awww-tumn.
4. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
- Squash.
5. Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
- To make up for his miserable summer.
6. Why are dads so good at fall puns?
- Because they’re so corny.
Thanksgiving Knock-Knock Jokes
1. Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Annie.
- Annie who?
- Annie-body want some pie?
2. Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Arthur.
- Arthur who?
- Arthur any leftovers?
3. Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Pie.
- Pie who?
- Pie love you.
Knock-Knock and other Thanksgiving jokes on Thanksgiving Jokes
Thanksgiving Jokes
1. Why did the gravy get sent to bed early?
- For acting saucy at the table.
2. Why did the turkey get ejected from the basketball game?
- He committed a fowl.
3. Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving band perform?
- Somebody ate the drumsticks.
4. What do sweet potatoes wear to bed?
- Yammies.
5. What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving?
- The tur-key.
6. What is the most mythical vegetable?
- A uni-corn.
Find more jokes about Thanksgiving on Thanksgiving Jokes
Apple Jokes
1. Why did the apple stop in the middle of the road?
- It ran out of juice.
2. Why did the apple pie cross the road?
- It saw a fork up ahead.
3. Why did the apple join the circus?
- He loved the apple-ause.
4. Why did the apple pie cry?
- Its peelings were hurt.
5. What did the apple tree say to the hungry caterpillar?
- “Leaf me alone!”
6. Why is it hard to work at the apple pie factory?
- They have such a high turnover rate.
World Teachers' Day Jokes
On 5th October we appreciate our educators with World Teachers' Day! Here are some light-hearted teacher jokes:
Why did the math book look sad?
Because it had too many problems.
Teacher: Give me a sentence beginning with ‘I’.
Student: I is the…
Teacher: Remember you must say ‘I am’ not ‘I is’.
Student: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Q: Who’s the king of the classroom?
A: The ruler.
Q: What’s the longest word in the dictionary?
A: Smiles. Because there’s a mile between the first letter and the last.
Teacher: Why are you late for school?
Student: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does the sign have to do with you being late?
Student: The sign said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!”
Q: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses on the first day of school?
A: She heard her classes were super bright!
Teacher: If I had 8 oranges in one hand and 10 apples in the other hand, what would I have?
Student: Big hands!
Teacher: We will only have a half-day of school this morning…
Students: Yay!!!!
Teacher: Then we will have the other half this afternoon.
Teacher: What is the most common phrase used in school?
Student: I don’t know!
Teacher: Correct!
Teacher: What are two pronouns?
Student: Who? Me?
33 Jokes for Teens Guaranteed to Make Them Smile
Q: Why do teenage girls travel in odd numbers?
A: Because they can't even.
Q: Why can't a T-Rex clap their hands?
A: Because they're extinct.
Q: What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A: A waist of time.
Q: What is the wake-up time for ducks?
A: The quack of dawn.
Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
A: Look for the fresh prints.
Q: What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?
A: SWAG.
Q: What do you call high school kids who haven’t been able to go to school because of COVID-19?
A: Quaranteens.
Q: How do you drown a hipster?
A: In the mainstream.
Q: What do you call hiking U.S. college students?
A: The walking debt.
Q: What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
A: Reali-tea.
Q: Why did the math book bummed?
A: It had a lot of problems.
Q: Why did God supposedly make men before He made women?
A: Because everyone needs a rough draft.
Q: How do you communicate with a fish?
A: Drop it a line.
Q: Why shouldn’t you worry about passing math?
A: Because it's easy as pi.
Q: Why do pimples make horrible prisoners?
A: Because they keep breaking out.
Q: What do you call a grizzly with bad teeth?
A: A gummy bear.
Q: How do you know when you’re desperate for an answer?
A: You look at the second page of Google search results.
Q: What do computers snack on?
A: Microchips.
Q: What is a teenager who never grows called?
A: Constantine.
Q: Why does ice cream get invited to every party?
A: It's cool and sweet.
Q: What did the grape say when it was pinched?
A: Nothing, it just started to wine.
Q: How are parties organized at NASA?
A: They planet.
Q: What's the most hardworking part of the eye?
A: The pupil.
Q: How does the moon cut its hair?
A: It e-clips it.
Q: What do you call a Minecraft meetup IRL?
A: A block party.
Q: Why can't you trust an atom?
A: Because they make up everything.
Q: What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A: A waist of time.
Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck!
Q: What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A: Finding half a worm in your apple.
Q: Why are spiders such know-it-alls?
A: They’re always on the web.
Q: Why are eggs bad at telling jokes?
A: They always crack each other up.
Q: What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
A: Don't know, don't care.
Q: What do you call hiking U.S. college students?
A: The walking debt.
World Older Persons Day Jokes
On 1st October we recognize the International Day of Older Persons! Here are some jokes to mark the occasion:
An old woman is sitting at a bar when an older gentleman sits down beside her.
"So," he says, "Do I come here often?"
What is a prize old people can win for aging?
Atrophy.
I used to know a couple who grew fruit trees together.
They lived to a ripe old age.
What’s the best part of old age?
That it doesn’t last very long.
These are not gray hairs! They are
wisdom highlights.
Which underwear brand do seniors love best?
It Depends.
Old age makes us great multitaskers.
I can sneeze and pee at the same time!
What’s the secret to having a smoking hot body as a senior?
Cremation.
One benefit of old age is that your secrets are always safe with your friends …
because they can’t remember them!
Age is an issue of mind over matter.
If you don’t mind getting older, then it really doesn’t matter.
Why do old people love English muffins so much?
All the nooks and grannies.
How is the moon like dentures?
Both come out at night.
Now that I’ve gotten older, everything’s finally starting to click for me.
My knees, my back, my neck …
I’ve decided: Whatever age I am is the new 30!
What goes up but never comes down?
Your age.
I called the incontinence hotline recently.
They asked if I could hold.
Of all your children, the only one who won’t grow up and move away is
your husband.
Have some fun with 'addicted' jokes
I'm addicted to seaweed.
I must seek kelp.
My friend is addicted to drinking ink.
It's a dyer situation.
I've been reading a book on anti-gravity, and now I'm addicted.
I can't put it down!
I used to be addicted to eating soap.
But I'm clean now.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese,
although it's only mild.
Sat next to a fruit machine addict at a gamblers anonymous meeting last night, It was awful!..
He kept nudging me.
A bunch of batteries were gathering around in a circle.
I guess they were having an AA-meeting.
They say one in every seven friends have a gambling addiction.
My money's on Dave.
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts.
I won't lie, it was a Rocky Road.
m embarrassed to say I got addicted to shoplifting but only from the bottom shelves in the supermarket.
How could I stoop so low?
I've been addicted to cold turkey for 2 years.
I keep telling people I'm trying to quit cold turkey but nobody is taking me seriously.
Got home and someone has stolen all the bits of carpets and the mats.
Police think it was the work of rug addicts.
8 short jokes for good start of the week
We all know where the Big Apple is but does anyone know where the ...
Minneapolis?
I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers ...
The Times are rough
Sink or swim?
Sod it, I'm going in the pool. The dishes can wait!
My friend asked me to name two things that hold water.
"Well, Dam."
I think it is a good idea to wear two different deodorants, one under each armpit
But that's just my two scents
So this kid comes home from school in panic and says Dad, they are all picking on me…are we pyromaniacs?
The dad looks down sadly and says. We arson.
4 asked 5 out but got rejected ...
Cause it was 2 squared.
My wife told me to stop counting.
But I didn't one two.
7 short jokes to make Friday even better
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,"You know, one would have been enough."
Bread is a lot like the sun.
It rises in the yeast, and sets in the waist.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking,
so I'm off to find a bar with a mirror!
Why do most people write with their right hand?
Because they don't want to write with the wrong hand.
Which celebrity is always ready for cereal?
Reese, with her spoon
I can't believe someone broke into my house and stole all of my fruit.
I am peachless!
To the person who stole my place in the queue.
I’m after you now!
8 short dad jokes to make you laugh
mom:Do you think we’re made of money?
daughter: Isn’t that what MOM stands for?
I wanted to get rid of my old knackered flat screen tv that doesn't work anymore.
The council said they would charge me £27.00 to collect it and dispose of it.
Instead, I paid £7.50 and booked an online courier to collect it and deliver to somebody I don't like!
In my last job my wages were paid in vegetables.
I left because i was unhappy with the celery.
It was a very moving ceremony.
Even the cake is in tiers.
So, today, I told my team about the importance of dried grapes.
It’s all about raisin awareness.
Yeah. I was in a Zoom meeting when I told that joke and they didn’t laugh either.
It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.
My mum told me that I can’t drive a car made of spaghetti.
You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.
Why are Catholics so upbeat after church gatherings?
Because they convert Mass into energy.
Happy Friday with new jokes
My kid came out to me as trans and asked if I still accepted them for who they are. I told them quite clearly that I loved them no matter what they chose.
I was being transparent.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
They told me I’d never be good at Poetry because I’m Dyslexic.
But so far I’ve made 2 Vases and a Jug and they are lovely.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because it would be a foot.
My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or my addiction to sweets.
The decision was a piece of cake.
If A is for apple and B is for Banana, what’s C for?
Plastic explosives
My girlfriend broke up with me and took all my pasta.
She left me penne-less.
38 Rock jokes to celebrate International Rock Day
International Rock Day, celebrated on July 13 every year, is all about paying tribute to rocks. Have some fun with jokes that Rock!
What do you call it when two carbons are in a relationship?
Carbon dating.
Why were the rock couple breaking up?
Because they took each other for granite.
Why did the rock couple break up?
Because they couldn't comet to each other.
My wife told me she is thinking about selling Egyptian rocks.
It sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.
What do you call a criminal rock?
Scum of the Earth.
Why did the rock decide to hit the gym?
Because he wanted to be bigger and boulder.
Where do the posh stones live?
Rockefeller Street!
Why did the rock sleep all day?
He was a bedrock.
How did the rock feel about going to jail?
He was petrified.
How did the rock feel when he got covered in algae?
He was lichen it.
You want to hear the best rock puns?
Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
Why did the rock shower every morning?
He wanted to start with a clean slate.
What did the stone want to be when it grew up?
A rock star.
What do you call an Irish gem that’s a fake?
A sham rock.
Why was the rock unprogressive?
Because it was stuck in the Stonehenge.
Why was the rock hesitant to start his work?
Because he was stuck in corundum.
What did the rock do when it rolled down the road?
It rock 'n' rolled.
How do geologists like to relax?
In rocking chairs.
Who is a geologist’s favorite comedian?
Chris Rock.
What is a geologist’s favorite treat?
Rock candy.
Why did the rock take English lessons?
To help it talk boulder.
What did the rock order at the bar?
Soda on the rocks.
Did you hear about the drunk geologist?
He finally hit rock bottom.
Which rock group is made up of four men who can’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
Why was the criminal rock acquitted?
Because his alibi was rock solid.
What is a geologist’s favorite type of music?
Hard rock.
Which magazine do rocks subscribe to?
The Rolling Stone.
Why didn’t the stone get back together with the rock?
He had too many faults.
What did Ariel say when she met the rock pool?
You have nice mussels.
Why is a moon rock tastier than an earth rock?
Because it’s a little meteor.
What is rock's favorite fruit?
A pome-granite.
Why do hipsters like rocks?
They’re underground.
Where do you take an injured rock?
To the Rocktor.
Why did the judge find the rock guilty?
The lawyers had concrete evidence.
How do stones get to outer space?
By rock-et.
What kind of music sinks to the bottom of the ocean?
Heavy rock.
What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.
What did the young rock say about failing his tests?
I don't want to talc about it.
World Chocolate Day Jokes
July 7th is World Chocolate Day! Find some jokes about it!
Why did the chocolate chip cookie cry? Because his mom was a wafer too long!
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa-nut.
There are two types of people in this world:
People who love chocolate and liars.
What is the opposite of Chocolate?
Chocoearly.
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing?
Almond Joy To The World.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because it lost its filling!
Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty?
They had a Babe Ruth.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there? Candy boy. Candy boy who? Candy boy have another piece of chocolate?
What did the M&M go to college?
Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
What does it do before it rains candy?
It sprinkles!
Once there were two chocolate bunnies and one had his ear bitten off.
One said “Happy Easter!” What did the other one say? “Huh?”
I opened a Mars bar once.
I discovered martians love gin.
Life is like a box of chocolates…
Mostly disappointing.
A seven-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar. The man sitting next to him looks over and says, “Eating that many chocolate bars are bad for you.”
The boy looks over and responds, “My great grandfather lived to be 105.” The man replies, “And he ate that much chocolate?” “No,” says the boy. “But he minded his own business.”
What do you call a cow with a stutter that makes chocolate milk?
Cacao.
Why did the chocolate bar go to the dentist?
He had a chip in his tooth.
Why is a Toblerone triangular?
So it fits in the box.
International Joke Day Jokes
International Joke Day, celebrated on July 1 every year, is an occasion to crack a joke or two with your friends and family.
Find funny short jokes here!
1. Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel prize?
Because she was outstanding in her field.
2. How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see their wheels turning.
3. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7,8,9.
4. What goes up and down but doesn’t move?
The staircase.
5. What kind of shoes do frogs love?
Open-toad!
6. How did the baby tell his mom he had a wet diaper?
He sent her a pee-mail.
7. What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
8. What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
9. Why do ducks always pay with cash?
Because they always have bills!
10. How did Benjamin Franklin feel holding his kite when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
11. Which superhero hits home runs?
Batman!
12. What’s Thanos’ favorite app on his phone?
Snapchat.
13. Sandy’s mum has four kids; North, West, East. What is the name of the fourth child?
Sandy, obviously!
14. What is a room with no walls?
A mushroom.
15. Why did the blue jay get in trouble at school?
For tweeting on a test!
16. What social events do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
17. What did one pickle say to the other?
Dill with it.
18. What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation.
19. Why is a football stadium always cold?
It has lots of fans!
20. What did one math book say to the other?
“I’ve got so many problems.”
21. What did the Dalmatian say after lunch?
That hit the spot!
22. What do you call two bananas on the floor?
Slippers.
23. Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
24. Why do ducks have feathers on their tails?
To cover their butt quacks.
25. How does a vampire start a letter?
“Tomb it may concern…”
26. A plane crashed in the jungle and every single person died. Who survived?
Married couples.
27. What kind of math do birds love?
Owl-gebra!
28. Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
29. What do you call a Star Wars droid that takes the long way around?
R2 detour.
30. How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
31. When does a joke become a “dad” joke?
When the punchline is a parent.
32. How much did the man sell his dead batteries for?
Nothing, they were free of charge!
International Day of the Tropics Joke
June 29th is International Day of the Tropics! Find jokes about it!
Why don't scientists trust atoms when vacationing in the tropics?
Because they make up everything, even the "sandy" beaches!
I once spent ten years marooned on a tropical shore...
I lived on nothing but coconuts and seafood. I fashioned sandals out of leaves, a hut out of grass and sticks, and I kept myself healthy with wild plants.
One day I was scouring the beach for copper wire to build the radio I was working on, and I came across a small white spheroid about 2" in diameter that I had difficulty biting.
The mystery was solved when a man stepped out of the trees and said, "That's mine." Astonished,
I asked him, "Where did you come from?"
He said, "From the golf resort just the other side of those trees."
#internationaldayofthetropics #dayofthetropics
